Friday 17th June 2016 (3.12pm)

7/10 – Mentally feeling ok. I gave the gym a miss, I thought I better had. I actually met up with a friend which was lovely. On a side note, I have been thinking about getting a VW camper van, so I can escape wherever and whenever I like. Just wish I could afford one.

I have been reading my book and the following words jumped out at me:

“I all too easily reverted to being the grumpy adolescent”. This is exactly what I feel like at times when I am with the GP / counsellor. I have said that I often feel like I am expressing myself like a spoilt / stroppy teenager. Again, I don’t know the reasons for this attitude or why I act like it.

“Sometimes I was nervous of being too well too quickly. Displaying an appetite or other signs of getting better might lead to being thrust back into life’s hurly-burly too soon for comfort”. I kind of feel like this today as I am doing ok. Am I ready for the reality and the demands that my job brings? I really don’t think I am – just because I am having a good day.

“The drugs shouldn’t be seen as an enemy; you wouldn’t be suspicious of insulin if you were a diabetic” Yep, I get that now.

(7.44pm)

2/10 – Something has really wound me up this evening and got to me. I feel let down, hence the drop in mood. I just feel so alone and perhaps I am better off being in my isolated state as that way nobody can hurt or upset me. From now on it is all about me in my own world – it is easier that way. It is easier to block out feelings, emotions and hurt; besides things are so much easier on my own.

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