Sunday 19th June 2016 (10.30am)

4/10 – I am sat in David Lloyd after an early morning 1 mile swim and 1 hour run. Mentally I am not doing too bad. I have been reading my book and the following jumps out at me:

“Often, those who seem the most self confident may actually suffer the lowest self esteem; they have spent their lives achieving according to the standards of others, instead of accepting themselves as who they are. Thus the reports of brilliant A-grade students who are captains of the hockey team have also tried to kill themselves” . … What is it with my desire to achieve and be the very best? I have played hockey at International level and for GB students. Was this not enough for me on the sporting field? Is this why I am doing what I am doing now with exercise? Or is it simply because my knees are allowing (?) me?

“I was on an achievement treadmill and the speed setting was too high. One explanation of the illness was that trying to be simultaneously a perfect wife, friend, colleague, employee (and mother – which obviously does not apply to me) was exhausting. The result for me was a breakdown. I had been driven mad attempting perfection, skewered in my generation’s desire to excel at doing it all” … I could not agree more!

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