3/10 – I feel that I have to write this down, unfortunately I do not have my journal with my so making an entry into my iPad. I woke up tired and down for whatever reason. I decided to make my way to David Lloyd but my head was not really into training. I decided to do 40 minutes on the Wattbike but I had nothing in the tank mentally. I cannot understand how things are so different between yesterday and today. Just bizarre and I will never understand depression and the demons which it brings. I am really struggling and I do not want to speak with anyone.
This afternoon I was going to start a ‘stress control’ course but I do not think it will be beneficial to do 2 hours of this followed by 2.5 hours of mindfulness. I can do ‘stress control at a later date.
5/10 – Mood picked up after mindfulness. Once again I did not feel like going but glad I did. The people on the course help and make me feel that I am not alone. I was also better at practice, especially the breathing one at the end! I found the one we did at the start hard because as I was getting out of the car I checked my emails and saw that I had a reply from the BBC who have asked why I would like to be involved in the documentary. Not expecting to hear back, or even so soon, I began running around what I was going to say in my head and therefore found it difficult to concentrate.
On a side note, at the end of the month I will be going not half pay so I have been chasing up my sickness insurance policies to see what I am entitled to.