Thoughts of going missing

Thursday 29th September 2016 (6.32pm)

Not quite sure how to rate my mood today as it has fluctuated a lot. At the moment I would say that I am about 4/10 but earlier I was probably a 6/10. So what has changed? I woke up and did not feel like gyming, but changed my mind as I had no idea what else I would do. I smashed out a mile swim. I sat in the lounge afterwards with the ladies who cheered me up and I didn’t end up leaving there until 2pm.

My mood dropped when I got home. I received my CMHT report which said that I do not need a referral into secondary mental health services (which is encouraging) and what I am already receiving in terms of counselling and support should continue. I have been given a book prescription for two self help books. I do not know what they are called as they are referenced numbered rather than titled. My mood has not dropped because of this, it is because I just have a feeling that I may be prevented from taking part in the BBC programme.

On a positive note, I am looking forward to the half marathon on Sunday and it looks like it is going to be a sunny day.

(9.38pm)

3/10 – Mood still down and at times I have felt destructive. The thought of going missing has popped into my head but there are things that I want to do over the next week (so that is just a rubbish idea). What am I running from? I do not know. Why do I want to run? I do not know.

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