I have not written for a few days. I think I just needed time away from what happened and what I wrote about in my last couple of blogs. The response I have had has been incredible and thanks to those who messaged me your support. Why have I decided to write now? Ironically, I am on the very promenade where I sat last October. It is such a nice day I thought I would take some time out with my book. I walked Olly this morning so he is sleeping it off in the cool.
Whilst this place holds memories now which I will never forget it does not have any hold over me. I come here often and I am glad I can. It is such a lovely place. It is busy here as people make the most of a rare display of sunshine on a bank holiday weekend. As for me I am off work until Wednesday (only working 2 days this week but that’s enough – I know I will struggle with that).
I have also been busy over the weekend, doing things which I would not usually have done and meeting new people. Some barriers have been dropped but that is not a bad thing. I am not sure where I am mentally. Am I happy? Yes, I suppose I am, but there is a massive block in my head which I can’t get over and that is what I need to work on. This may mean some dramatic changes, but these are not things I can decide upon now as I really have no idea.
The destructive part of me still lurks in the background. I have not been able to run since Thursday as right knee is not good. Tonight though I plan to go to run club and push through it. That is my ‘I don’t care’ attitude kicking in and if it breaks even more then so be it. There are some things I just need to do. It’s the lesser of two evils.