I could have so easy ….
I have not had a bad week, well until yesterday afternoon anyway, where it all seemed to fall apart. Yesterday I had thoughts about returning to work and I was even considering talking it over with my GP next week. However, early afternoon I received a phone call from my DCI asking if I was ok for a visit as he was in the area with the Supt. I agreed. The information and news I was given on their arrival was completely unexpected and totally rocked me. For professional reasons I will not go into detail. For someone who is off work with depression and anxiety with suicidal thoughts I did not handle the situation well (understandably) which brought on so many negative and harmful (self) thoughts. I broke down in front of management which I did not want to do.
When they left I grabbed Olly, sat in the bathroom and cried. I did not know where to turn, it was after 4pm and I knew that my usual support networks were not available. I just wanted to run as far a way as possible. I wanted to end it. I thank my friend for a random phone call for saving me.