Return to work?
Today I was supposed to return to work. Well my actual Stage 1 date was yesterday but I was unable to see my GP until today. I have had glimpses of positivity about returning to work; I knew that it would be hard and deep down I had this feeling that I would not be returning. I felt some pressure to go back and when I saw the FMA last week I said that I was prepared to give it a go. I had his support whatever decision I made. It was decided that I would give it a go based on a restricted and phased return.
I spoke with my line manager on Friday to see if I could return a week on Monday, but I was told that I was to return on Wednesday (today) at 1pm (as like my previous attempt, another PM start time). I was advised to take my annual leave within my phased plan, meaning that I would be working 3 days per week.
Whilst I had a lovely weekend with Olly, I struggled. I went to Barry Island park run where so many people spoke to me about the marathon and the programme. Again, the support from people was amazing. It wasn’t my fastest park run (no surprise) as I had really bad pain in my left shin. This got progressively worse to the point of being unable to put any weight through my leg. I thought I may have damaged where my leg was broken and bolted back together, so on Tuesday I hobbled to the minor injuries unit. Thankfully, no fractures. I was told to rest, but I can’t see that happening.
This morning, I woke up in a low mood and I knew in my head that it would be unlikely that I would be returning today but I would be take advice from GP. I spent 40 minutes with Dr. I got upset, I said that I was struggling and felt vulnerable. My thoughts were all over the place and as a result it was decided that I would not be making that return today. I text my line manager to say that I would not be in and that I was not in the mood for talking.
My thoughts are still all over the place, I feel like hitting self destruct and I just want time to myself again. I want to hide from the real world.
I have to go back and see my GP next Wednesday.