The urge to self harm
I have done a ‘live blog’ to cover the last few days but I do not want this one going live today as I do not want anyone to worry.
The problem is that I have an overwhelming urge to self harm. I felt like this yesterday but today my attempt has been more than merely preparatory (police speak). I boiled the kettle then held my hand over the sink to poor boiling water over it. I poured out a drop of water but my reflex pulled my hand away. Seriously, what was I thinking? Idiot! I am too weak to carry something like this out, but I know there are other ways. Why do I feel like this? I have no idea. I just feel that I want to hurt and punish myself. It is not that I feel low of massively depressed. I can’t explain. I do know that being back at work is not helping and distorting my thoughts. I am finding it hard to cope there.