Sunday 30th July 2017 (9.35pm)
It has been a strange few days which has seen me continually battle in my head. On Friday I decided not to eat. I went to the gym in the morning before going to Cardiff Bay Police Station to a ‘leaving do lunch’ for one of my friends. It was nice to go and see all of my old buddies but I felt weird as if I was removed from the job and the environment. If somebody had asked to go and sit at the computer and do some live time police work I would not have been able to. I find it difficult, for someone who was so switched on to ‘the job’.
The buffet looked really good but I limited myself to a handful of grapes. I have had no dinner Friday evening.
Yesterday morning I went to park run and not surprisingly I was rubbish and recorded my slowest time. I felt sick and had no energy. After taking Olly out for a walk, I met up with ‘A’ and told her about my need to self harm. After a chat and having some sense talked into me we ended up going to McDonalds and Costa where I stuffed my face.