Monday 16th October (8.49pm)

Consultant Psychiatrist appointment

Last Thursday was one of the toughest days that I have had in a while. I woke up with the biggest headache and my thoughts of going training before seeing the Consultant Psychiatrist did not happen. My appointment was 1pm-3pm. For the time being I will not be returning to work in any role and I need urgent treatment. I will talk diagnosis in a later blog.

My head is all over the place following this appointment and I have a lot to think about with regards to my future and where I go from here. The problem is, my brain is too shot to think or formulate any ideas or plans as I simply do not know what will happen and it is no good second guessing.

After this appointment I then had my routine GP appointment. By the time I got there my head was so bad I found it difficult with what to say. I did not have the words in me. I was all talked out. I managed to explain what had been discussed with the Psychiatrist and told her about my constant headaches. I have been given a sick note for another 6 weeks. My blood tests all came back normal. The Dr did mention about having a head scan but we both agreed that it is not necessary at this stage and headaches are probably attributed to stress and depression. I told her about my medication and the fact that I stopped. I did not get the telling off I was expecting (phew). I discussed medication with the Psychiatrist earlier so something may be put in to place soon.

This morning I also chased up my CMHT outcome letter again. It looks as if I am again being discharged from their services and referred to 1-to-1 session with MIND. I will await my letter for more detail.

It is ironic how one Psychiatrist gives a diagnosis which needs urgent treatment and intervention, whilst the CMHT have discharged me with a referral to another counselling type service (which no doubt I could be waiting months for). I have no idea where my head is.

Last night I was that wired I took a Zopiclone (I had 1 left). I mentioned this to the Dr and again we agreed not to prescribe any more. I took the sleeping pill as my head was very busy and I did not have Olly with me for comfort or safety. I could have easily got in the car and driven somewhere but I did not. I was so glad to get Olly back on Friday.

It is hard to put a score on my mood over the last few days. Thursday was about a 1/10 but now I am probably about a 3/10. I have had a headache most of the day.

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